Tuesday, January 8th 2019
8:30am — it’s Joseph’s turn to take Coco to school which means I’m getting a few minutes to myself again. Nearly an hour! It’s never enough to do all of the things I’d like to do if I was on my own for longer periods of time. I always have to choose between spending my time doing this or that, and it’s frustrating. Especially when it’s everyday like it is for me. Sometimes I wonder how my career would be like if I wasn’t a mom. Perhaps I wouldn’t even be a photographer, or if I was then I’d have much more time to create much more work. I don’t think people realise how difficult it can be to juggle between parenthood and work. Most especially when you’re working freelance. If you can afford to have a nanny, that’s great — but if you can’t, it’s hard. There are times where I can’t wait to witness people around me having kids. They’ll finally understand what I have been through. How real life becomes when you’re caring for your child/children. How tough things get when it’s no longer just about you — but thankfully, it’s all worth it. Whenever I fail at something, I always look at my daughter to remind myself that, regardless how many failures, I succeeded in creating a smart, beautiful and kind human being and that’s a fucking great accomplishment.
11:10am — I finally sent my film rolls to the lab. I don’t know why it took me this long to take care of it. I’m not even too sure what’s on these rolls anymore. I know I’ve been taking a lot of random photos recently, always carrying my Olympus MJU II with me wherever I go, but I don’t do shot lists and so I have no idea what to expect. And that’s great, I love that. The whole waiting game is exciting. I can’t wait to receive the dropbox link tomorrow and more importantly going through the files one by one. Which reminds me that I’m finally going to process film rolls myself. I have an enlarger at my parents house too, which my godfather kindly gifted to me last summer, so I’m also going to do my own prints as soon as it’s in my possession. The thing is huge and heavy as fuck, there is no way it can be shipped so I’ll have to find an alternative way to bring it here.
4:20pm — Just received the A3 boxes I ordered before NYE. I wanted to create a new limited edition of five selected prints to mark the fifth year of my career and ‘the end’ of #ophelieandthegirls. The boxes are stunning and professional, I’m very pleased. Gonna do an instagram video of them, to spark an interest. Now I need to choose the images and send them to print. Actually I need to talk to the Print Space first, they have too many options and I want to see what works best for this special edition. I’ll visit them sometime next week — when it’s sunny so I could also go Central and photograph tourists. I’ll have to work out prices as well. I always find this difficult because I’d like to tailor them to my audience’s average budget but at the same time I value my work more than that and so I need to start adjusting my prices accordingly. It’s such a fragile decision and I must think it through properly.
10:15pm — I’m already falling asleep. I watched Blow Up and it became difficult to keep my eyes open towards the end. I’ve seen that movie many times so it’s fine, but I recently bought it in VHS and that was the first time I was watching that. VHS are fucking great, I love them. I don’t know how many I have anymore, I haven’t counted them in a while. Bought quite a few lately as well. The collection is getting bigger every week now that I found of a couple of charity shops that still sell some. The last find was a bargain — the first six seasons of ER for £6. Still can’t believe it. We watched every single season of ER with Joseph over the two years we lived in Berlin. And I think this series contributed to my anxiety. The amount of people who walked in thinking their symptoms were nothing serious and ended up either in the operating room or dead is definitely not reassuring, especially after going through 15 seasons of it. The other day we started watching the first season in VHS and I just couldn’t. Only two episodes in and I felt weird already. That’s a good thing in a way because it’ll stop me from watching it all again just because we have it on tape. I no longer want to waste time watching things I’ve already seen (says the girl who just saw Blow up again). I guess by that I mean tv shows. By the way, I posted a video of my new camera today. More on my equipment another day. Anyway I’m going to sleep now.